


If You Let Me Down Slow

by lemonoclefox



Series: What's It Gonna Be [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:17:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13342032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonoclefox/pseuds/lemonoclefox
Summary: Alec is crushing really hard, and Magnus seems oblivious.Alternate P.O.V. oneshots for some of What's It Gonna Be (aka my Pride & Prejudice/bakery AU).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ta-da! Here, uh, is the first of those three Alec P.O.V. oneshots I promised. About ten months ago. Sorry about that, it just... Yeah, it just didn't happen when it was supposed to.
> 
> Anyway! Better late than never, right? With that said, here's the first of those three oneshots. They're pretty short, and each of them corresponds, timeline-wise, with each of the three parts of WIGB (excluding the bonus epilogue, here). So here are some events from Alec's perspective, some present in the original story, and some not. I'll try to post all parts pretty quickly (for real, this time), and I hope you like them.
> 
> Enjoy!

He shouldn't even be here. This isn't his territory, or his job. This has always been Jace's thing, or Lydia's. Hell, even Izzy's, back before she left the family business completely. Even Max might have a better time doing this, despite being so young and still in school.

But Alec? When it comes to social gatherings, especially for the sake of just showing up and making an appearance, he has never felt particularly comfortable. Least of all in a bar, surrounded by strangers.

Granted, at least the place is clean. It's not too rowdy, and the atmosphere could be worse. And he supposes he could be worse off than talking to some new acquaintances, over drinks―or rather, watching Jace and Lydia talk to some new acquaintances, while he silently stands by. They're not too bad though, these people. The redhead seems to have already caught Jace's eye, and the others are polite and talkative, easily hitting it off with the newcomers to their neighborhood.

Though, Alec will admit, he's not sure if he should feel over- or underdressed in comparison to this one guy in particular. _Magnus._ A big name for a big personality, by the looks of it, a man who somehow stands out while simultaneously fitting in, like he owns the place. He keeps drawing Alec's eye, even when he says nothing. Even when he just stands there, listening to the others, Alec can't help but watch him―the way he carries himself, the way he even makes a curious head-tilt look graceful, the way his bejeweled fingers run slowly along the edge of the glass or restlessly rub together. The way practically half his chest is on display, layers of necklaces resting against bare, tan skin.

Alec sips his drink, looks down. He shouldn't even be here. And this guy isn't even his type. More importantly, no guy should be his type, at all. Period.

As the night wears on, Alec feels gradually more impatient to just get out of here. It doesn't help that Magnus is apparently everywhere, just popping up whenever Alec forgets he's around, like a subtle reminder of his existence. It's embarrassing, really. Even if Alec somehow managed to talk to him, what would even come of it, if anything? At most, Magnus might talk to him back, and that's definitely not going to happen, especially not with everyone else currently busy and leaving Alec standing alone like some idiot―

The sight of Magnus himself approaching him, out of the corner of his eye, shouldn't make Alec feel oddly nauseous, but it does. He tightens his jaw, but keeps his expression neutral, even as Magnus slowly slides up beside him.

Izzy has always teased him about his inability to function around cute guys, regardless of Alec's objections. At the moment, he thinks that she might actually be onto something. At least, he can't think of any other reason why he'd suddenly find himself tongue-tied at the mere idea of this guy being so close, alone.

This odd, charismatic, and uniquely attractive guy.

"Having fun?" Magnus asks then, and Alec's pulse picks up. Great, now the guy _is_ actually talking to him. That wasn't supposed to happen. Alec was supposed to vaguely admire him from afar, and that would be it.

Alec glances at him, at Magnus's rather friendly expression.

"I guess," he says. He tries to sound polite, maybe nonchalant―the moment he hears his own words, though, he realizes his flat tone still just comes off as rude.

_Shit._

Magnus doesn't seem too offended. He doesn't immediately reply, instead just turns to look straight ahead. At the people dancing and having fun, as one should at this kind of thing. Alec swallows.

"You don't dance?" Magnus asks, and the question somehow takes Alec by surprise.

"Not if I can help it," he blurts, and regrets it at once. His siblings keep saying that he's got a resting bitch face, and that it tends to translate to his tone of voice. Alec tries not to let it, he really does. But of course, here he is, being straight-up unpleasant without even meaning to, when a cute guy is just trying to make small-talk.

_Idiot._

This time, Magnus is definitely offended, one way or another. Alec can't blame him. He's not sure what to say to fix it, though, if he even can, or should. Instead, he just stands there for a few more seconds of tense silence, keeping his gaze straight ahead, working his jaw as he tries to think of something to say, anything to―

When Magnus abruptly walks out onto the dance floor, Alec can't say he's surprised. But the departure still leaves him with a strange mix of disappointment and relief, and he licks his lips, looking away rather than at the people on the dance floor. At his family, friends, new acquaintances. And Magnus.

 

* * *

 

Days later, Alec is still mortified. Of course, he'd mess it up, _of course._ He still remembers the look on Magnus's face, his scathing reference to what Alec said to Jace, when he thought no one could hear. _Over the top._ Why did Alec even say that? Jace knows him better than most, it's not like admitting he found a man attractive would be that shocking.

It seems that the whole in-the-closet thing is hard to shake, even when Alec knows those closest to him already know, and don't care.

"Well, we need to find a place to do it," Lydia says, snapping Alec out of his thoughts. He leaves his awkward wallowing behind, instead being yanked back to the present, and his office with its excellent view of New York City.

"What've you got, so far?" Alec says, turning away from the large window behind his desk. The office is still rather spartan and clean-looking, as they just moved into the building a few weeks ago, but Alec kind of likes it that way.

"It's not a long list," Lydia says. "But still. Mostly galleries, bars, stuff like that."

Alec nods, looks down at the list of prospects, of any space in the area that might be big enough to host the event they're planning. It was Lydia's suggestion, a way of mingling and making a good impression on the locals, much like when they went to that small gig at a nearby bar. It was Jace's idea, that time, but Lydia saw the positive results of it and decided to run with it, on a bigger and more organized scale.

"Scratch the bars," Alec says, eyeing the list of possible locations. "Too casual. We don't wanna alienate any investors or higher-ups."

"You mean, the snobs?" Lydia says, and Alec looks up at her. She gives him a pointed eyebrow-raise, as though daring him to contradict her. Alec sighs, admitting she's right.

"Yeah," he says, looking back down. "The snobs."

That's exactly what they are, in all honesty. One could also refer to them as his parents' social circle, ones who still have somewhat obsolete ideas about class and everything surrounding it.

"Well, you're not wrong," Lydia says, a little annoyed and disappointed. "That cuts the list in half, though, so that's a bright side."

Alec picks up the list this time, carefully goes over the remaining locales.

"What about this one?" he asks, pointing out the location in question, and Lydia takes a look.

"It's an art gallery," she says. "The woman who owns it got some local award, last year. Does a lot of volunteer work."

Alec appreciates that Lydia has done her homework on not just the practical details of each location, but also the people behind it―which is just as important.

"We'll go with that one, then," Alec says, handing her the list.

Lydia frowns.

"You sound very sure," she says, and Alec nods.

"It's pretty central to the area, too," he says. "Shows off its best side. And we wanna encourage business-owners like that, especially with the charity we're going with."

It's also close to Fairchild's bakery, judging by the address. Jace mentioned the other day that they should maybe hire them to cater the event, and Alec admits it's a good idea, given that pastries give off a slightly more casual air than fancy hors d'oeuvres. Which is what they're going for. Although, he suspects Jace's motivations for suggesting Fairchild's are a little personal, as well as business-related―and if Alec is being honest, so are his own. Not that he would ever admit that, out loud.

"That's actually a good point," Lydia says, making a note on the list. "I'll ask, let people know."

"Just―" Alec starts, making her pause. "You don't have to tell them it was my idea. Just... say it was yours, or something."

Lydia frowns, confused. It seems like an odd request, perhaps a little arrogant, even, but Alec wants to make sure Lydia is on the same page.

"Why?" she asks. Alec shrugs, a little awkwardly.

"Your department needs the attention more than I do," he says. "You know my mom is still a bit iffy about you."

He says it pointedly, and Lydia's expression tightens slightly. She sighs.

"Good point," she says, thankfully having easily accepted his half-true excuse. "Really wish you'd take some credit sometimes, though."

Alec shakes his head, his voice softening.

"It's fine," he says, and he means it. "Just get it done."

Lydia gives him a somewhat sympathetic smile, before leaving the office, and Alec lets out a heavy exhale. He tugs slightly on his tie, as though it suddenly feels a little tight, and turns back to the window. The view really is amazing, from up here. And it's nice to see something other than shiny skyscrapers and important people running around in expensive outfits, doing important things.

Alec likes this better, he decides. He can even see Fairchild's, from here.

 

* * *

 

Magnus is somehow even more intimidating, up close. Because _intimidating_ really is an appropriate word, seeing as how he seems to have a knack for making Alec's brain functions temporarily short circuit, with no effort whatsoever.

Not that Alec is the most socially apt person, to begin with. But this is ridiculous. Even during Magnus's brief, impromptu visit to the office the other day, Alec found himself alternating between complete, sullen silence, and half-mean comments. That must have left an even better impression than their first encounter, for sure.

Alec has little to no experience doing anything baking-related, especially not when half the point of it is to be aesthetically pleasing. But still, he does his best to actually provide the help he so foolishly offered, carefully assisting Magnus in repairing the damage done to his precious cupcakes.

He seems very focused. That much Alec gleans from his quick glances, as the two of them work side by side, in silence. Magnus is clearly annoyed about the whole thing, he even reacted to Alec's offer of help in a way that made Alec feel like an idiot for even asking. But he did accept, albeit reluctantly so, and he doesn't seem to mind Alec's presence as much as he did before. Even after Alec blurted that 'mini-cupcake' comment―Magnus even seemed vaguely amused by that, which Alec still considers a win.

"Who knew you'd know your way around a kitchen," Magnus says after a little while, the silence otherwise only broken by the muffled sound of music and talking out in the main hall. Taken by surprise, Alec just hums in reply, which Magnus seems less pleased about. "That's it? Well, now I just feel weird. A snarky comment would be nice, at the very least."

"Sure," Alec says before he can stop himself, keeping his eyes on the cupcake in his hands as his pulse picks up just a little. "What would you like to hear?"

"I suppose that'll do, for now," Magnus says after a moment of what seems like pleased surprise, and Alec thinks he'll leave it at that. But of course he doesn't, and his tone is even more casual when he continues. "Maybe I'll say something along the lines of, 'you're really good with your hands', and you can respond. Be it with a retort, or a thank you."

Alec is not imagining the heat that suddenly creeps up his neck. He is not imagining the way his throat suddenly feels a little dry, and the way his heart beats a little more palpably against his ribs. He only throws Magnus a glance, at a complete loss as to what to say to any of that. Because he's pretty sure he _might_ be imagining the somewhat flirty tone in Magnus's voice, like everything he says is full of innuendo, and he's not sure what to do with it.

Magnus sighs, as though disappointed at Alec's lack of response.

"Or, we could just not talk at all." He says it under his breath, but Alec hears it, even notices the half-shrug that follows.

 _No,_ Alec thinks. No, he doesn't want that. The thought of that is the only thing that gives him the courage to awkwardly keep up some conversation then, which Magnus seems to appreciate, despite his flippant tone. At least Alec is able to talk to him, here, in private. Because intimidating or not, Magnus is actually nice to talk to.

Until the subject of Valentine comes up. It's casually done, but also as though Magnus is trying to push Alec's buttons, and by the end of it, the atmosphere is decidedly more tense. It doesn't help when Alec finds himself turning to Magnus and practically staring him down, too wrapped up in his bubbling anger about it all to bother with any usual, social awkwardness. Not that said awkwardness doesn't immediately rush back, once it's over. Annoyingly, any and all conversation ends there.

He thinks that will be the end of it. Alec, however, seems unable to just exit any kind of situation with this guy in a dignified way. That much is obvious when he finds his fingers covered in frosting once his work is done and, in a strange attempt at simply getting out of here as quickly as possible, decides to put his fingers in his mouth. In front of Magnus. Someone out of his league on whom he has already developed a crush, and who obviously already doesn't like him much.

Alec immediately freezes when he realizes Magnus has seen him, as the guy just stares at him, mouth half-open as though he can't quite comprehend the sheer stupidity of this person. Alec swallows, leans his hands against the counter and looks down to keep Magnus from seeing his undoubtedly reddening face. The last thirty seconds are pure torture, Alec frantically wondering what the hell he was thinking, offering up his highly unqualified help, in the first place.

Once he sees Magnus finishing off the last cupcake, Alec takes a breath.

"You done?" he asks, his tone blunt as he tries to contain the sudden anxiety.

"Yes," Magnus replies evenly.

"Okay, good."

Thankfully, Magnus doesn't keep Alec wallowing in it all for more than a few seconds, giving silent permission for him to leave. And Alec doesn't look back as he leaves the kitchen, releasing a heavy, relieved breath as he goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alec is so smooth, you guys.
> 
> Visit me on [the twitters](https://twitter.com/lemonoclefox) and please yell at me if you want to, using _#wigbfic_. Also, writing stuff while irl adulting can be hard work, so if you feel like helping me out, check out [my tumblr](http://lemonoclefox.tumblr.com/wigb) ( _#wigbfic_ works there, too) and maybe treat me to a cup of coffee through the button I've got there?  <3 Thanks


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me keeping up a daily schedule, go me. Have some more semi-angsty, pining Alec, who doesn't know how to show a boy that he likes him.

"Look, I can't go, okay?" Lydia says, a pleading, tired edge to her voice. "I'm swamped, I just don't have time to spend a weekend sucking up to people."

"Oh, and I do?" Alec counters.

" _Your_ weekend is wide open," Lydia points out. "If I don't go, you should."

"Pass."

Lydia sighs, sitting behind the desk in her office. She called Alec here to pick up some documents, but managed to also rope him into this negotiation over who has to go to Rosings, the very high-class resort that tends to host this particular social nightmare Lydia is talking about.

"Alec, come on," Lydia says.

"You know how I feel about those things," Alec says evenly.

"I do," Lydia says. "But you're also a Lightwood. Going to those things is practically in your job description."

Alec sighs.

"I'm not going, okay?" he says, picking up the folder he came for, and heading for the door with an apologetic wave of his hand. "I'm sorry, you'll have to find someone else."

"Fine," Lydia says with a tired exhale, leaning back in her chair as Alec opens the door. "Shouldn't be that hard. People usually jump at the chance of a free fancy resort weekend. Even Magnus is going."

"What?" Alec blurts before he can stop himself, freezing and abruptly turning around in the doorway.

"Magnus," Lydia says, slightly puzzled by Alec's reaction. "That guy's bringing him, what's his name... Ragnor Fell. Over at Labyrinth? They just made a deal with DuMort, so he's going as a representative, and I heard from Clary that Magnus is going with him."

Alec swallows, nods slowly as he keeps his expression even, an uncomfortable flutter in his stomach.

"He's bringing him?" he asks dumbly, and Lydia nods, the puzzlement more prominent now.

"Yes," she says. "As a plus-one."

"Like, together?" Alec says after another moment, with annoyance-inducing hesitation.

"Doubt it," Lydia says, rising from her seat with a sigh. "From what I can tell, they're more like a weird hybrid of a bickering old couple, and brothers. No romance there, whatsoever."

The relief that blooms in Alec's chest is unexpected and, frankly, uncalled for.

"Right," he says absently, nodding, picking at the edge of the folder in his hands, as he considers this.

Lydia watches him for a few seconds, confused by why he's just standing there.

"Yeah," she says, with a frown, said confusion evident in her voice. "Is there a problem?"

Alec whips his gaze back up to hers.

"No," he says, a little too quickly. "No, no problem. I just, uh―" He mulls it over for a moment. "I think you're right."

"About what?" Lydia asks.

"The resort-thing," Alec says, slowly letting the door close as he makes his way back into the room. "You're right, I should probably go."

Lydia narrows her eyes, a small smile tugging at her mouth.

"Okay," she says. "Why the very sudden change of heart?"

There's something suspicious, almost teasing, in her tone, but Alec pretends there isn't.

"No reason," he says with what he knows is probably a terrible poker face. "Just remembered how dad chewed me out last time I didn't attend a conference. Reminded me for days about how 'irresponsible' that was."

It's not a lie―Robert was definitely irritated about it, and Lydia knows that. It's just not the reason Alec has changed his mind about this. He can handle his parents' disappointed anger, just like he has for most of his life. And this is not about that.

Lydia gets a more sympathetic expression, and she nods.

"Good point," she says. She keeps her eyes on Alec, though, as if trying to discern something else. "So you just―" she shrugs― "wanna go, all of a sudden?"

 _Yes,_ Alec thinks, _very much so._ But he doesn't say it out loud.

"Well, 'want' might be an exaggeration," he lies. "Just don't want my parents, aka my boss, on my ass about this, right now. So yeah, I should probably go, after all."

Lydia keeps watching him, and Alec suddenly feels an odd, cold sweat. It's like she can see right through him, only seconds away from uncovering the somewhat embarrassing truth; that Alec is willing to brave a crowd of arrogant, dry, and snobby people for an entire weekend, just for the chance of _maybe_ seeing Magnus.

Thankfully, Lydia eventually takes a breath, exhales as she looks down at her desk.

"Okay," she says, folding her arms, and Alec practically sags with relief. Lydia looks up. "I'll give them a call, set it up."

Alec nods.

"Thanks," he says. With that, he opens the door again to leave, but Lydia stops him.

"Hey, Alec," she says, and he turns around. "Just―" She sighs, seems to be searching for the words, her voice slightly softer. "Take advantage of it, okay?"

Alec frowns.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he says. Lydia makes a face, shrugs.

"Nothing," she says, shaking her head. "Just saying, a lot can happen in a weekend. Make sure to relax for once. Do what you want. Yeah?"

Alec holds her gaze. There's something deliberate about hers, beneath the sincerity, like there's something she's not saying, though he can't quite figure out what that might be. He ends up just nodding.

"Okay," he says. "I will. Thanks."

Lydia gives him a tired smile, as Alec leaves and closes the door behind him.

 

* * *

 

 _"Take advantage of it."_ Yeah, sure. Alec is doing such a great job of that, so far. It's only been fifteen hours, and he has somehow already managed to make an ass of himself in front of Magnus not once, not twice, but three times.

Great.

In his defense, he wasn't prepared to see Magnus so soon. The evening of his arrival, he was practically ambushed by the guy, though Magnus seemed just as surprised about that as Alec felt. Still, Alec couldn't help the relief, amidst the nerves. He only came here to see Magnus, after all. And he got his wish. Even if it was jarringly done.

Some liquid courage even let him approach Magnus alone, let him watch those lovely hands dance across piano keys―a little sloppily, but with an effortless kind of joy that made up for the lack of skill. It let him talk to him, however briefly, let him enjoy the silence between them.

It let him hear Magnus speak his full name, in a tone much softer and warmer than Alec has ever heard before.

It somehow put the idea in Alec's head that he should simply ask the guy out. Despite all the reasons he shouldn't―and his continuous efforts over the past few weeks to ignore this whole thing―he found himself taking a deep, bracing breath and approaching him at breakfast. Which he realized the ridiculousness of the moment he did it. But Magnus was patient, and kind, even as Alec struggled to just _say_ something.

Ragnor's interrupting arrival was more of a blessing, than anything.

And now, Alec has really outdone himself. Because here he is, rain-drenched and panting, just straight-up admitting to the object of his affections that he likes him. That he's into him, which is a phrasing he never thought he'd use, and that he would like to go out with Magnus sometime. That he's not even out, that even right off the bat, all of this is a bad idea, in so many ways.

In the silence that follows, rain hammering against the wooden roof of the gazebo, Alec just stares, waiting for some kind of reply.

He wants to kiss him, he realizes. He wants to kiss him so badly he can barely contain it, his body vibrating with it as he forces himself to just stay still, to not move, to wait. Now that he's finally saying it out loud, admitting for the first time that he really likes this guy and just wants to be near him, it's like Alec has given himself permission to really _want_ it. Because _god,_ he wants it, in a way he didn't fully realize, until now.

Even when Magnus turns him down, Alec wants it. Though he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt. He'd be lying if he said it didn't feel like a punch in the gut, the disappointment mingling with some kind of embarrassment when he sees Magnus's incredulous expression at him even asking.

Then it becomes anger. Not because of the rejection―Alec can take a no, and he'll respect it, no matter how much it hurts―but because of Magnus's reasons for it. His accusations. Holding Alec responsible for things he hasn't done, even dragging Morgenstern into it, as though that has to do with anything at all. Morgenstern, the bastard whose name is only second to his face in terms of the pure anger it sends creeping under Alec's skin. He doesn't like it, not right now, not when this is supposed to be about Magnus, about him, about them, and whatever the hell this could have been. What it probably will never be.

But at least it brings Alec closer. It's the single silver lining, frustration once again breaking down what nervous walls he may have, pulling him closer to Magnus, who defiantly holds his gaze. Up close, the urge to kiss him only becomes stronger. It doesn't seem to matter that Magnus suddenly looks like he doesn't want Alec anywhere near him.

"You think I _want_ to feel like this?" Alec finds himself saying. "That I wouldn't just stop, if I could?" The words come tumbling out in a moment of more honest vulnerability than he'd like. He has already bared his heart just asking Magnus out, which seems like such a small and silly thing, all of a sudden. This is more. Worse. He hates the way he sounds so angry, so frustrated, trying to voice everything that makes this hard. As though that will change anything. "I can't, okay? I'm not happy about all the things about you that make this a bad idea, but it is what it is, and I'm trying to deal with it."

Magnus's reply is immediate, despite the way his expression hardens, as though taken aback by Alec's honesty.

"You're really not helping your case," he says. His voice is low, teeth just slightly gritted, and Alec knows he fucked up. "You know, from the second we met, I've been utterly baffled by what an insufferable asshole you are. I have no idea why you'd think I'd ever even dream of dating you."

The words hang in the air between them, palpable and heavy, and Alec will admit he doesn't quite know this particular kind of pain. He can feel his face go completely expressionless, neutral and hard in the way he's used to, the way people like to call _unapproachable_ and even _cold._ It's the only thing that feels natural to do.

But he can't stop looking at Magnus. He knows that this is it, that he should just admit defeat, as it were, just leave now and go lick his wounds. But he doesn't. Not yet. Instead, he briefly―very briefly―entertains the idea of just kissing him. Just kissing Magnus, right now, backing him up against the wooden railing and lifting him up onto it, holding him close and pushing his tongue into his mouth, Magnus's legs wrapped around his hips and his fingers in his hair.

But Alec doesn't. He wouldn't. Magnus doesn't want him to.

So he just sighs, allows himself one last, close look at Magnus's beautiful face, its suddenly softer expression and half-parted lips, as Magnus's breath comes shallow and quick. He will probably never be this close to it again, after all.

"Sorry," Alec says, "for wasting your time."

It comes out neutral and even, but it gets the job done. It leaves Magnus with an almost stunned expression, which Alec tries not to think about as he turns around and heads back into the rain.

 

Even the rejection and subsequent heartbreak, putting him in an unfamiliarly hollow place for the rest of the weekend, doesn't stop Alec from being painfully honest again when he sees Magnus, the next day. Albeit in a much calmer and more coherent way, despite being just as unplanned. He just needs Magnus to know, needs him to understand. Needs him to know that none of the things he accused Alec of were done maliciously, no matter how tactlessly at least the part about Jace was handled. He just needs him to know that. For some reason.

And this time, when Alec walks away, he makes a point of thinking about Magnus's expression, makes a point to remember it. The surprised, confused softness of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, you gotta chill, the poor guy is really trying.
> 
> Visit me on [the twitters](https://twitter.com/lemonoclefox) and please yell at me if you want to, using _#wigbfic_. Also, writing stuff while irl adulting can be hard work, so if you feel like helping me out, check out [my tumblr](http://lemonoclefox.tumblr.com/wigb) ( _#wigbfic_ works there, too) and maybe treat me to a cup of coffee through the button I've got there?  <3 Thanks


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final part is here. I hope you enjoy.

Magnus can't leave. Alec can't let him leave.

He's not sure what kind of impulse makes him rush after Magnus as he hurries out of the building, as though suddenly desperate to get away―but Alec can't let him leave. Not after seeing the soft, startled look on his face as Alec spotted him, just now, as though he'd been watching for a little while already. Fondly watching, and suddenly embarrassed by how much Alec just saw of that.

It's enough for Alec's otherwise perfectly rational brain to be overridden by his heart nudging him into action, logic be damned.

"Hey," he calls, just as Magnus pushes the front door open, heading out of the lobby and onto the street outside. "Magnus."

He tries not to sound too urgent about it, but he's somehow at a point where he doesn't care. Magnus knows Alec likes him, by now, without question, even if he doesn't like him back. There's not much left to lose.

 _But maybe_ , Alec thinks. Just maybe. What he saw in Magnus's expression just now wasn't something he has seen before―if anything, it resembled the look on his face after their last encounter, before they left Rosings. It's encouraging, somehow. Even more so when Magnus, miraculously, now stops and turns around upon Alec calling his name.

Nervousness is an odd look on Magnus's face, if that's what this is. It might be. Alec is too stunned by the mere sight of him, here, of all places. Too taken in by how he looks so effortlessly beautiful, shining like a beacon in an environment as mundane and unimpressive as this gray sidewalk.

"Hey," Alec says again for no reason at all, and he doesn't even care how breathy the single word sounds.

Magnus just watches him silently, a little stiffly. But despite that, and despite how things went last they spoke, despite how heavy it's all been, Alec's heart just stutters back to life in his chest like nothing has changed. He chooses not to fight that, at the moment.

The silence stretches on between them for a few seconds, Alec itching to break it.

"Are you―" he says, but Magnus cuts him off before he gets any further.

"I thought you―"

They both stop. Alec swears Magnus looks a little awkward, his gaze flitting away for a moment before returning to meet Alec's. It's horribly endearing.

"I'm sorry, I―" The expression stays on Magnus's face as he gestures at the building he just ran out of. "My friends brought me, they know the photographer. I was just tagging along―"

"Magnus, you're allowed to be here," Alec interrupts softly. He doesn't want Magnus to think that he's intruding, not ever. He hesitates for a split second. "I'm just surprised that you are."

He doesn't really mean to say it, at least not so openly and with such a gentle tone. In response, Magnus takes a deep breath, and Alec's eyes briefly dart to his hands, and how the fingers trail over his rings. Almost like a nervous gesture.

"Yes, well," Magnus says. "I wasn't exactly expecting _you_ to be here."

Something about his tone makes Alec's pulse pick up, the back of his neck suddenly warm.

They somehow manage to maintain a conversation, however brief and awkward it may be, and Alec realizes that his voice is actually steady. He's actually not making a fool of himself, for once, and Magnus seems less than composed, in contrast. For once. It's not until Magnus announces that he has to leave, that a sense of soft urgency rises in Alec's chest.

"I thought you just got here," he says, frowning, trying his best to sound at least a little casual about it. Magnus gives some vague reason for it, and Alec accepts, though not without offering Magnus the means to get home―which Magnus declines. Unsurprisingly.

Still, there's something uncharacteristically self-conscious about his tone, something distracted, and Alec can't quite put his finger on what. All the same, he's not about to make Magnus stay, or even ask him to; he has no right.

"It was, uh," Magnus says, looking away and then returning to hold Alec's gaze. "It's good to see you."

Alec recognizes that impatient affection rising behind his ribs, but this time, he has no trouble controlling it. He nods.

"You, too," he says.

Magnus swallows, even gives him a small smile. It's clearly uncomfortable, but just as clearly sincere.

"Goodbye, then," he says, "Alexander."

 _God,_ that shouldn't make Alec's heart do a somersault the way it does, but he can't help it. At least he keeps it to himself, instead just offers a smile in return, taking a steadying breath.

"Bye, Magnus."

It takes Magnus a few seconds to actually leave, and when he does, Alec can't help but keep his eyes on him until he disappears into the crowd.

 

* * *

 

Alec doesn't like seeing Magnus upset. That much has become abundantly clear. The other night, when he received news of Simon's unfortunate situation, it took everything Alec had not to offer some kind of comfort, to touch him, just _something._

The distinct impression that Magnus actually wouldn't have minded didn't really help.

Because there was something in his eyes―Alec doesn't doubt that, this time. He wasn't imagining it, wasn't just letting his thoughts run away with what Magnus's look could have meant, its distracted, warm gaze clear enough. Somehow, Alec knows that if he had made a move then, Magnus would have been okay with it. Reciprocated, even. Maybe. It's a dangerous thought, but Alec indulges it all the same, keeps it like a flickering flame in the back of his mind, to be kept safe, for now.

But none of that would have mattered in terms of Alec's reaction to the way Magnus's face went pale when he heard from Clary. It was more than enough reason for Alec to want to help. To make it better. To see Magnus smile again.

Solving Simon's situation, while finally managing to grab Morgenstern in the process, was a simple and satisfying decision. Despite Alec's parents always having been averse to going after Morgenstern in any legal sense, worried about the company's image in regard to their association with the guy and what he'd done, Alec went after him. And he won. And Simon's problem was fixed.

Simon was beyond grateful when it happened, Alec approaching him personally at the time, for one, sole reason.

"You can't tell anyone I was involved in this," he told Simon steadily, only to be met by utter bafflement, mixed with the happy relief.

"What?" Simon said. "Why? Dude, you did something awesome, here. You can't just―"

"Simon," Alec cut him off sharply. He didn't even need to repeat himself, or emphasize it further, for Simon to get the point.

Perhaps he could have taken credit, much like Lydia keeps telling him to. But not in this case, especially not this one. He doesn't want Magnus to know. He doesn't want him to feel like he somehow owes Alec something―that is the last thing Alec wants.

Still, Alec's efforts don't stop there. After realizing that Clary's feelings apparently _did_ match Jace's all along―based on conversations with Lydia, as well as the blatant hints from Magnus―he wants to set it right. And he figures that Jace listened to him last time, so maybe he will again.

He turns out to be right.

"I can't go in there," Jace says, all the same, as he grinds to a halt outside Fairchild's bakery. Alec takes a breath.

"Yes, you can," he says evenly.

"No, what if―"

"Jace." Alec cuts him off with a patient, but exasperated tone, and Jace falls silent. "You fucked up. Yes, I suggested to break up with her, and I'm sorry about that. But you chose to do what you did. That's on you. Own up to it."

It works. It's enough to give Jace the push he needs to actually go inside and talk to Clary, himself. Not that he does it without convincing Alec to go with him, of course. For _moral support._

Alec would be annoyed, but he's oddly okay with it, today. He gets to see Magnus, gets to hold his gaze as Jace's relationship drama unfolds in the periphery of his vision, gets to take in the soft, meaningful look on his face. He looks different. Perhaps it's just seeing him in his natural habitat, so to speak, but Alec likes it.

When Jace suddenly storms back out of the bakery, Alec follows, and makes a point of _not_ going with him when he returns. Because return, he does, even if it takes Alec patiently letting him practice what to say, using Alec as a stand-in for Clary. It's stupid, but it works. And from what Alec hears later on, Magnus is pretty happy about that.

 

* * *

 

Alec isn't really listening. Instead, he just stares out the window of his office. Or rather, _at_ it, like he can't quite concentrate. Because he can't. All he can think about is Magnus, and how it's been days now since he saw him. Even longer since he spoke to him. He thought it would eventually go away, but it hasn't. Now, he finds himself absently focusing his gaze on Fairchild's, the café just visible below, from his vantage point.

He thinks about how snarky Magnus was the first time they met, how angry he was that time in the rain, and how awkward he seemed when they spoke last week. How he smiled at Alec the other night, during Izzy's gig, and how beautiful he looked as they stood outside on the sidewalk. How badly Alec wanted to kiss him, right then and there, and didn't. How Magnus even looked like he kind of wanted him to.

Alec can't focus on whatever his mother is saying, behind him, as she and Alec go over some everyday, tedious business. Whatever it is, it just doesn't seem particularly important, at the moment. Nothing can be more important right now than whatever is or isn't happening between him and Magnus, but Alec realizes that it really doesn't matter how that goes. He feels more for Magnus than he ever thought he'd feel for anyone, but it doesn't matter that he can't have him. He's okay with that. As long as Magnus is happy.

But Alec realizes that he owes himself the same courtesy, even on his own. Or at least, as much of it as he can offer himself, as much as he can have.

"Now, the latest proposal went over relatively well," Maryse continues, somewhere in the background. Alec swallows hard, his heart suddenly beating a little faster. "But―"

"I'm gay."

The two words slice through Maryse's like a knife, settling between her and her son like a heavy, overbearing weight. Alec takes a deep breath, turns around. His mother is staring at him, the stunned expression on her face mingling together with something like offense, almost anger. While what Alec just said is palpable in the air, he actually feels rather light.

"I'm sorry?" Maryse eventually says, tightly. Alec pulls his shoulders back.

"I'm gay," he repeats. It's a little easier to say this time, but the words still feel foreign on his tongue. Meanwhile, Maryse inhales deeply, places her fingertips against Alec's desk as though to subtly steady herself. Alec gets the distinct impression that she was hoping she misheard.

"Well," she says. "As I recall, we've already dealt with this. I don't see why―"

"No, we haven't," Alec interrupts, shaking his head. "We never _dealt with it_. You and dad just heard I kissed a boy that one time, and told me to never do it again. Or mention it. That's not _dealing_ with it."

"You were a teenager," Maryse cuts in, her voice hard. "We did what was best."

"For you, yeah," Alec says. "Can't be public figures _and_ have a gay son―"

"Stop saying that," Maryse says uncomfortably, looking away, lips pressed together.

"What?" Alec says. "Gay?" His mother's jaw tightens. "It's not a bad word."

Maryse turns back to him, meets his eye.

"I know you think that you―" she starts, but Alec cuts her off.

"I don't _think_ anything," he says. His voice is firm, but calm. Not angry. "I know what I want." _Who I want,_ he mentally adds, but doesn't say it out loud. "And I'm sorry that's not in line what you and dad think is appropriate. But I'm done pretending this isn't who I am." He pauses. "Besides, Izzy even has a girlfriend, I don't see how―"

Maryse interrupts with a dry laugh.

"Don't bring your sister into this," she says bitterly. "She will do anything to embarrass us."

"Don't flatter yourself," Alec says under his breath, looking away as he straightens slightly where he stands. He turns back to his mother. "Look, I don't care what you have to say. Enough is enough. Just wanted to make this clear to you."

Maryse watches him silently for a long time, as though trying to see through some kind of trick. Then she narrows her eyes.

"Is this...?" she starts, as she slowly walks over to her son. She trails off, but seems to find new resolve after a moment or so. "Does this have anything to do with that man?"

Alec can't help but frown.

"What?" he says, confused.

"That... baker," Maryse says. She says it as though she can't quite decide between sounding condescending and annoyed, and Alec feels a strange flare in his chest, while slightly stunned by her drawing that conclusion. It really is strange; he feels angry and protective at the mention of Magnus, but also soft and warm and excited and at peace. It's not something he's felt before, and he's still trying to get used to it. It still takes him by surprise, every time.

He makes sure to keep his expression neutral, however. Instead of reacting, he just holds his mother's gaze, takes a slow breath.

"I'm gonna go," he says evenly. "I'll let you know about the Blackwell deal."

With that, he leaves, walking past his stunned mother and exiting his own office, feeling lighter than he has in years.

 

* * *

 

He doesn't expect to see him here. Not in this park, not now, the sun just rising over the skyline and making the treetops glow. Making _him_ glow. The golden light of dawn suits Magnus so well, and Alec isn't even surprised by that.

He is surprised, however, by the look that comes over Magnus's face when he turns and sees Alec slowly coming toward him. Up until that moment, Alec was considering just turning around and walking away, leaving Magnus alone with his thoughts, like Magnus would probably want him to. But he's glad he didn't. He's glad he chose to stay this course, holding Magnus's gaze as he eventually slows to a stop in front of him.

Magnus just watches him for a moment, his expression soft and vulnerable, but with just the slightest hint of something like shame. Alec can't imagine why.

"Of all the parks, in all the world," Magnus says, shaking his head. It's lightly said, enough to make Alec relax a little and exhale a laugh.

"Yeah," he says. "What are the odds?"

Magnus doesn't mind when Alec comes to stand beside him, even glances at him, watching, in a way Alec hasn't quite seen before. He even apologizes for his past behavior, which Alec understands but doesn't hold against him. And when Alec takes what might be the biggest risk he's ever taken, confessing just why he's done what he's done, where he stands and how he quietly hopes Magnus might respond, it's terrifying. But he feels genuinely hopeful, especially after hearing what Magnus said to his mother, last night. Truly hopeful, perhaps for the first time since they met. It's worth the risk.

And when Magnus kisses him, everything falls into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this story officially comes to a close. Well, it technically did come to a close in the original fic, but in terms of the AU, this is it. Again, I'm sorry for taking so long in posting these oneshots, but I hope you've enjoyed them, and that if you've also read the actual fic, you enjoyed that too. I've said it many times before, but I've really enjoyed writing this, so thank you for reading and offering such lovely words and feedback. It's been great.
> 
> Visit me on [the twitters](https://twitter.com/lemonoclefox) and please yell at me if you want to, using _#wigbfic_. Also, writing stuff while irl adulting can be hard work, so if you feel like helping me out, check out [my tumblr](http://lemonoclefox.tumblr.com/wigb) ( _#wigbfic_ works there, too) and maybe treat me to a cup of coffee through the button I've got there?  <3 Thanks


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